So yesterday I said I almost blogged out of anger but did not…. Here’s what happen… So I began to become interesting in the girl… We will just call her Amy… Well Amy and I began to text for quite some time, a couple of weeks. We began to text a lot and you know the texting when you’re crushing blah blah blah..
Well I told her I was not ready to date or really hang out yet… I have some soul-searching to do. Well she was okay with that, I have actually typed up a whole post about her but never posted it. She is fitness enthusiast as well. Which just had me like hello. She was a dime piece! Well the last couple of days she been acting all weird and not excited in her text messages. I formerly know this girl from my past. Well I asked her what was up and she said “just been busy.” This made me mad because I had been real with her about everything since day one. I told her about me, cheating, the protective order and just everything… She did not judge me or anything so I was glad! Well she “been busy” with her boyfriend. I found out she had a boyfriend for a couple of months now. I was in shocked I told her, I would not judge her but I would not be a home wrecker either… So I told her we could still be friends but that’s it. She began to say that when she would “make love” to him she would think about me… She even said she dreamed about me while laying in his bed…. It was completely wrong. I told her she needed to stop doing this to him. It was not right… She said she knew…. And is going to stop. I told her, I would not ruin their relationship by telling him, that is her job.
All of this happen yesterday and it just really upset me. But it was something else that upset me even more…. That was the fact that the “Amy” girl was the girl version of me in the past… So I kind of got a taste of what I was like back then… I am happy I changed… I am happy I am different. I have been putting some serious thought into my life. I have really began to get scared I will never find the one…. You see, in my past I had always seen my life, my family, my marriage with one person… But now that one person is gone so its hard to see myself having a family with anyone else… Well except one other person (my fellow church goer and her son). You know that one girl you always have a thing for? Well that her. She told me something the other day that just blew me away!
“Imagine a man so focused on God that the only reason he looked up to see you is because he heard God say…. There she is.”
That who I want to become. I want to be that man, not for her but for my life. So I will have eternal life. God has a plan for me and I don’t believe that plan involves alcohol or beer. So I just try to stay away from it. I know that sometimes it’s okay to go out and drink but to me I just don’t… I don’t know it turns me into someone who makes bad judgement.. I hate it because everyone I know, drinks…. It’s hard to be around them and not… I watch it consume their life… I don’t want to live life that… I don’t want to be consumed by anything except God and the other G in my life, the gym! I want my life to be centered around God. Not my friends, not my job, not my school, not alcohol, not beer, not sex, not attention, not likes or retweets, but I want to be consumed by the Grace of God!
I hear people say there may not be a God… Or some who say God will forgive me for all my sins no matter what because I asked him too… So they just keep sinning. Keep having sex before marriage, keep stealing, keep lying, keep hurting people and hurting God. You see I want my life to be about God and for God. I don’t care if you’re a police officer, fire fighter, teacher, mayor, governor or president. Just because you do “your duty” for society. Protect and serve, educate, look out for the future, make laws or whatever it is you do. Just because you believe that will be enough for you to have eternal life… May not be the case. Look you can always try harder to follow God’s word… To do what God wants you to do. You should always make the effort to do what God wants and he will reward you for it! Don’t be selfish, be thankful and give back you sinner lol! Be a man not a boy or be a woman and not a girl!
Until Tomorrow World….. I Still Love You!